Just A Normal Day, My Kind of Normal

Thursday.

Just a normal day,

my kind of normal day.

Waiting anxiously

for him.

Knowing,

anticipating,

expecting,

difficulty breathing,

 

The door opens.

I see his face,

knowing exactly

what that look means.

 

He stares through me

as if I’m

invisible,

inhuman,

bitch,

whore,

That’s what he says

and I know, he’s right.

 

He speaks.

 

I open my mouth,

but nothing comes out.

I can’t hear what he is saying.

Only the sound of my beating heart.

 

He speaks.

 

But this time

with his hand.

 

Grabbing me by the throat.

Unable to breathe.

Vision fading.

Still I can smell

his hot, putrid breath.

 

He stares, blankly at me,

then releases his grip.

Smiling, that haunting smile.

“I told you to shut up, stupid bitch.”

 

He’s inches from my face.

Pushing, shoving, hard.

 

My legs aren’t working.

Down

Down

Down

Crashing into a table.

Wet, sticky, blood

drips.

 

“Get up!”

(Silence)

“I said GET UP!”

(Silence)

“I won’t tell you again”.

 

I try moving but,

my body isn’t cooperating.

His hand on my arm

Lifting my lifeless body.

 

Light headed, dizzy.

Weak in the knees.

Standing, but barely.

 

I didn’t see it coming,

but felt

pressure, pain,

the taste of blood

then nothing.

 

How long was I out?

a minute?

an hour?

longer?

 

He’s standing over me.

Lips moving.

I can’t make out the words.

But he’s smiling,

his happy smile.

 

He tells me he loves me.

He’s sorry.

Asking me why I made him do this.

 

He says if only I could

remember to do better.

Be a good wife.

I want to be the woman he needs.

 

Despite my shortcomings,

he loves me,

his love is exactly what I deserve.

 

This is a fictional work, but the truth of domestic violence is real. Sometimes they truly believe this is what “love” looks like, feels like, IS.  They’ve seen it in their families, friends, and society.

Society says “Why does she stay?”, “If it were me, I’d kick him where it counts, run, and never look back”, “She must like it”.

If the person you love had behaved in this manner on the first date, I think everyone would run for the hills. Sadly, that’s not how abusers operate. Abusers can be charming, doting, romantic, lavish spenders and more. They get to know their partner, listening to their vulnerabilities, storing the information, to use later for their own sadistic purposes. Only over time will the monster you read about above surfaces.

So, before you make a judgement about what YOU would do if YOU were in this situation, sit back, and muster up some compassion to realize unless you HAVE been these women/men YOU have no idea what you would or wouldn’t do in their shoes. Also, even if you have been in their shoes, everyone by design (emotionally/physically) is different and just because you were able to get out when you did doesn’t mean it will be the same for the next person.

If you or someone you love has experienced or is experiencing domestic violence, PLEASE know there is help out there. No one deserves to be abused, NO ONE. Below are resources if you or someone you know is in this situation:

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